You’re probably all wondering why I asked you here. It’s weird, yeah I know, but I really gotta tell you this story.
…I’m Dave by the way. This is my friend Buck. He probably wouldn’t describe me that way.
To give you a better idea of who we are it’s best to put it something like this… Me and Buck are not the scum of the earth, but we’re not exactly what you’d call the cream of the crop either. You’d probably see us on Cops before we’d make an appearance on something like Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous… we actually feature prominently in three episodes of Cops currently in syndication, and buck made me promise I’d tell you that each time it was my fault. The thing with the furries. That was me. Buck had nothing to do with the venomous reptile petting zoo, and the counterfeiting scheme was all me too.
whatever. Fuck him, He’s done way worse shit than me. I just get caught more. What does that say about him eh?
Shit, I got side tracked. I do that.
We’ve recently found ourselves in possession of a machine that is capable of teleportation. Our wildest dreams are at our finger tips, we just have no idea how to make the damn thing work correctly…still.
We have and have had every aspiration to figure it out and this is the story of how we’ve gotten marginally better at it. Once we nail it we’ll be unstoppable.
As I think about the details it’s suddenly very clear to me that we don’t really have much of an issue with the collateral damage that might be caused in pursuit of near omnipotence, perpetual inebriation, and novelty DVD’s.
As I think more about it I’m realizing you might not think too highly of us when this is all over and done with.
Join me as I tell you about my journey towards a Life Without Consequence.